Posted By Dr. Diane

I want to talk to you about the old stuck pattern of feeling invisible:  I am not seen, not heard, and not important.  A vast majority of midlife women suffer from this negative core belief, this invisible sense of self.

Recently, I gave a free workshop.  Many women signed up and only a few showed up.  That disappointing workshop attendance triggered a very old pattern from my childhood, “I work and I work so hard and no one notices me” --Feeling invisible but longing for validation.

A dear friend recently shared her story of invisibility.  As a child and teen, her value to the family was in the caretaking of her younger brothers.  While she loved her brothers, she never felt valued for her own unique gifts, for her own personhood.  She, her unique self, was invisible. 

She came to doubt she had anything of value to give, and she is still, as a 73-year-old woman, struggling to release this ugly self-belief, though a very gifted, loving soul.

It’s cultural programming, greater than 5,000 years of it.  Men are meant to go out and “Slay the Dragon” and women are meant to be the "Keeper of the Home & Hearth”.

Men were praised for their heroic deeds.  And though the work of women ensured the survival of the species, it was never about our gifts and talents.  It was about the survival of others. 

In other words, “I don’t matter.  What I do for others matters.”

No wonder we feel invisible.  No wonder everyone else’s wants and needs seem more important than our own.  No wonder we can’t see our own gifts and worth.

You are not weak, or lazy, or wrong.  You are the unwitting recipient of a 5,000-year-old program deeply embedded in our unconscious mind, as well as the collective consciousness of humanity.

Until we understand the existence of this ancient faulty programming and just how strongly we are controlled by it at an unconscious level, we continue to feel unseen by others and we become invisible even to ourselves.

If you are invisible to yourself, it is hard to recognize that you need and deserve self-care.  Investing time and energy in your personal growth is not going to be on your priority list because there are just so many things to do, so many people who need tending to.

So, what do we do with a 5,000-year-old program that no longer serves us and in fact keeps us trapped in anxiety, depression, and lack of self-confidence and self-worth?

For more support and inspiration, join my private Facebook group, "The Empowerment Community for Midlife Women", for a safe place to enjoy and connect with like-minded women.